In the Virtual Bank Line

I was at work helping out with some software testing. For some reason, our software worked just fine on stationary systems, but on a laptop when you switched between one screen and another, it would consistently crash. I was getting very frustrated because this is one of those fields where I know enough to recognize a problem and not enough to fix it.

While at work, the woman who was my roommate was giving me grief. I had just bought a new phone and answering machine and had left myself a note about some expenses on top of it in my bedroom. She called me to discuss the expenses with me, which meant that she had been in my room going through my stuff. I told her that I'd talk to her about it later, but that I would be gone for the weekend. I was going to my other house. Upon finding out that I had another house, she got all bent out of shape because she felt, as my roommate, a certain entitlement to anything that was mine. Whatever.

I left work and headed to my other house. My other house was on a spit of land that was only accessible during low tide. The spit of land had trees on it, and my house was an inn in those trees. To get there I had to wait until low tide and pick my way through the rocks and then along a path into the woods. To outsiders, the house itself was only visible (but not accessible) during high tide, but to the creatures who lived there, it was just the inn.

The creatures who lived there were elves, fairies, trolls, fauns, brownies and all manner of magical creatures. My place was the only building in the whole area, and the only place where there was alway a meal cooking. The minute I walked in the door, I heard nothing but complaints from all sides. The fairies were ripe, and they were into the kind of trouble that only adolescents can get into.

See, here's the thing: a fairy is the larval form of an elf. To be specific two fairies form every elf. All fairies are twins - one good, one evil. The evil aren't so much "evil" as "mischievous." They can take any shape (because fairies are not a species, just a phase) just like elves can take any shape. There are short, troll-like elves, elves with goat's legs, human-looking elves, etc. The fairies all fly (though not all with wings) although they lose that ability when they become elves. They spend the first several years of their lives in this state of fairiness, flitting about and cavorting and learning about things by getting into things. If you have a good fairy attach itself to you, you're very lucky because they're helpful and kind and good-hearted. If you have an evil fairy, you're in for years of bad luck. You can tell when it's time for the fairies to go from larva to adult when the good ones are competent and kind and the bad ones have made enemies out of just about everybody.

There were three at the inn who were ready - a male trollish fairy, a male faunish fairy and a female humanish fairy. When I got in, everyone was screaming because the faun and the girl had ridden ponies into the drawing room and were causing a general ruckus. I came downstairs and told them that if they would put the ponies in the stable where they belonged, I would get their boxes and give them something delicious to eat. That's the trick. Fairies don't eat. It would just never occur to them. To the good ones, food preparation is a skill to learn, and to the evil ones food is another trick to play (spoiling the cheese, putting mice in the flour, etc). The minute a fairy eats a mouthful of food, the transformation begins. They turn into something that resembles a doll - hard and lifeless, but colorful. You must put the evil fairy and the good fairy together in a special wooden box that's pierced all over with holes, and put the box in the sea. In the morning, an elf will have come out of the box like a bird from an egg, and grown to its right size.

I had all six fairies lined up in front of me and had given them each a slice of bread. They hadn't even swallowed the first mouthful when they fell over, cold and brittle. I was just gathering them up and sorting them into their boxes when the dream ended.