Technofear

I got a new computer today. My old one, a lovely IBM ThinkPad, has become so bunged up with Windows crap that it was taking 30+ minutes to boot, and I long ago decided that Vista was never crossing my threshold, so here I am with a brand new MacBook.

The first thing I like is that it sounds Scottish. I can get behind that. The second thing I like is that mine is a nice matte black, so it already goes with everything I own. No, I'm not goth. I'm just incapable of putting together a matching outfit out of two different colors.

Here's my difficulty: I've always used Windows. I mean, I've used Windows since there *was* Windows. I haven't liked it, but it was what I was used to. My brand new computer is sitting right here, to my right, but I haven't opened it yet. I haven't opened it because I know that the minute I do, I'm going to start feeling stupid.

It's not going to work the way I'm used to, and I'm going to get all frustrated and start calling it names. I'm going to give up after half an hour because I'm an adult and I'm just supposed to be able to touch things and automatically have them work, right? And the worst part is that I'm going to miss out on something really cool that it can do, because I'm too frustrated that "it doesn't work like my old one" and I'm not willing to be patient and interact with it on its own merits.

The worst part is, I can see all this coming. *sigh*

To Work or Not to Work: That is the Question

I'm deeply conflicted.

On the one hand, I am an award-winning fiction writer who has yet to publish anything substantial and is just waiting for a chance - a big break.

On the other hand, I am a highly-paid manager at a large company with a mortgage and two children who have big dreams that involve college educations. And I just took on a second job.

There are many things I could do that would help my fiction career. I could sell my house and move somewhere cheaper, quit my job and let my husband support me while I wrote full-time. I know that all it would take is some time, and I don't have any of that right now.

On the other hand, my children LOVE their schools and their friends, and where we're at now we have chickens and a burbling creek. Most people pay big bucks to spend a precious few days vacationing in the kind of place where I live all the time.

I just wish I could figure this out. I wish there were an obvious, win/win solution. I'm not seeing it.

Sources of Inspiration

I've never once suffered from "writer's block." I've never sat at my computer, looking at a blank screen without an idea in my head. My problem is most often the other way around - I have too many ideas running around my head and can't get them all down fast enough.

Where do I get these ideas?

Stuff happens to me. Like...going through my spam folder and seeing the eight million messages that tell me that I should be concerned about the size of my penis. Since "my penis" doesn't exist, should I still be concerned about it? Or should I be even MORE concerned? And is it even worth it to add "up to 1 inch" to something that doesn't exist, leaving me with only one inch?

Or the fact that I'm stalked by meat. It started happening about eight years ago, and it continues to this day. Last month I was at the car dealership getting my car done, and as I was pacing in the parking lot waiting for the Pirate to pick me up, there was a giant slice of ham lying on the ground. It was gone by the time I came to pick up my car.

And the newest, and bestest? A psycho has been BCCing me in a series of emails that outline his ongoing effort to sue the state after an incident last year where he was carted off to a mental hospital. I've talked to quite a few people about whether or not you can "accidentally" BCC someone on a series of emails. No. You can't.

So, now I'm thinking hard about what it means that this person is copying me on what is, essentially, a very self-incriminating series of emails and what he might be trying to tell me.

It makes me wonder if this kind of stuff happens to everyone. It must, because my life is sort of boring, compared to the lives of most people.