Toilet Humor

I'm not talking about us laughing at them. I'm talking about them laughing at us. Or am I the only one who's noticed? Every place that I've worked has had toilet issues. I'm deeply suspicious.

The first place I worked out of college was in one of those industrial strip malls that invariably congregate near freeways. For the entire three years I worked there they were constantly doing some sort of ductwork. That meant that there were workmen crawling around in the ceiling, and it happened more than once that you would be in the stall attending to business only to have plaster drop on your head, followed by a voice from above saying "Oh, excuse me."

Another company I've worked at had an entirely different phenomenon for the men's room as for the ladies' room. In the ladies' room, about once a month, the water in the toilets was boiling hot. I'm talking about coming into the room and immediately feeling the change in both termperature and humidity. The minute you sat down, you could feel the tingle of your pores opening up. I'm sure it was very therapeutic. In a really disquieting way.

In the men's room, usually at the same time as the ladies' butt sauna was going on, there would be the men's cattle-call. Every time someone flushed a toilet in the men's room, the sound of a 100-foot cow mooing at the top of its cow lungs could be heard all over the building. If I saw one of my male cow-orkers heading in the direction of the restroom, I would know to brace myself for the coming roar. On the other hand, several times a day I would be jolted out of my concentration by a sound alarming enough to precipitate a trip to the butt sauna.

In the place I work at now, they squirt some sort of lemony liquid in the toilets when they clean at night and then just leave it there. By morning, the toilet is fresh-smelling, lemony yellow, will foam when flushed, and is full of flies who have dived to their death, attracted by the lemon smell. So, you come in after your first few cups of tea and you have a choice. You can either waste a bunch of water flushing these guys away, or you can endure that skeevy feeling knowing that you are, in fact, pissing on someone's grave.

A person just shouldn't have to deal with this kind of thing at work.